Do you feel heard?
Do you feel valued?
Do you feel respected?
Do you feel like maybe you see God differently, but you're both seeking after God's best for all people? For the world?
I had a conversation with a good friend last week about when to leave. The friend has stayed and stayed in hard places of theological disagreements that they see negatively impacting people they love. My response was that it's hard to know when to leave.
Many people have this really intense break up with propositional evangelical theology. But some of us had a gradual one. Little gentle conversation, by probing questions, by reframing of scriptures that had been bereft of context...Little by little, or as my friends in Rwanda say "Slowly by slowly," we changed. We changed because a hand full of people were willing to stay and have conversations with us. So when do you leave?
My friend recounted that it was one such stay-er who planted the seeds that lead them down the road of transformed theology. Without that stay-er, who knows where my friend would be?
It's hard to know when to leave.
But here's the thing: the people who are rich soil for theological shift, I know us intimately. We listen to the hard questions. We might protest. We might proof text poorly. But we listen. We respect people who gently poke holes in a tapestry that could stand re-weaving.
I asked my friend: How do you think that stayer who sowed seeds for you left their conversations with you? Did they leave tired and exasperated? Or did they leave feeling heard if disappointed that you still disagreed? Did they leave knowing you heard them?
In the end, my response was: Consider being a stay-er so long as those you disagree with leave you feeling heard. Valued. Respected. Like maybe you see God differently, but you're both seeking after God's best for all people. For the world.
When you feel like you are constantly in game of dodgeball with opponents hurling the heretic word at you...consider not being a stayer. Creator crafted you for more.
And with all of this, hear the word: consider. You and God's Spirits are the very best at discerning what is good for you. My friend Paul Schroeder might say: "You're the expert on you." And! Get this, you can't make a wrong decision about staying or going. God and God's story are big enough and adventurous enough to bend with your choices. In high school there was a friend who I was basically dating but not dating as us evangelicals liked to do. He said the strangest thing to me about why we weren't dating: "I don't want to get caught outside God's will." That, my dear friends, is impossible. Stay or don't stay; God's will will accompany you wherever you find yourself.
For my part, I grew so very tired of fighting for a place of love and acceptance, a place of intellectual freedom and even play, a place where I could stop explaining how seeking justice was a Christian commitment and not some "liberal issue." I got bone tired of it all.
And I looked up from my bone tired tunnel vision, I saw a wide open field. Green pastures calling to come and play along toward liberating love and justice. For me, at that point, I couldn't say no. And leaving the home of my childhood for this new space to play and work has been more like coming home than evangelical church ever was. I want that for so many of us locked in the struggle. I want to fight you to bring you there with me. - I apologize if I have fought you to try to bring you over to play here. - You are the expert on you. And God's Spirit is a better guide than I am.
But I do invite all wondering when to stay and leave to let these questions be consistent conversation partners:
Do you feel heard?
Do you feel valued?
Do you feel respected?
Do you feel like maybe you see God differently, but you're both seeking after God's best for all people? For the world?
If you feel like it's time to give up being a stayer and you'd like a conversation partner or wonder what wide open pastures there are for playing and working at liberating love and justice, hit me up. I'd love to chat!
Do you feel valued?
Do you feel respected?
Do you feel like maybe you see God differently, but you're both seeking after God's best for all people? For the world?
I had a conversation with a good friend last week about when to leave. The friend has stayed and stayed in hard places of theological disagreements that they see negatively impacting people they love. My response was that it's hard to know when to leave.
Many people have this really intense break up with propositional evangelical theology. But some of us had a gradual one. Little gentle conversation, by probing questions, by reframing of scriptures that had been bereft of context...Little by little, or as my friends in Rwanda say "Slowly by slowly," we changed. We changed because a hand full of people were willing to stay and have conversations with us. So when do you leave?
My friend recounted that it was one such stay-er who planted the seeds that lead them down the road of transformed theology. Without that stay-er, who knows where my friend would be?
It's hard to know when to leave.
But here's the thing: the people who are rich soil for theological shift, I know us intimately. We listen to the hard questions. We might protest. We might proof text poorly. But we listen. We respect people who gently poke holes in a tapestry that could stand re-weaving.
I asked my friend: How do you think that stayer who sowed seeds for you left their conversations with you? Did they leave tired and exasperated? Or did they leave feeling heard if disappointed that you still disagreed? Did they leave knowing you heard them?
In the end, my response was: Consider being a stay-er so long as those you disagree with leave you feeling heard. Valued. Respected. Like maybe you see God differently, but you're both seeking after God's best for all people. For the world.
When you feel like you are constantly in game of dodgeball with opponents hurling the heretic word at you...consider not being a stayer. Creator crafted you for more.
And with all of this, hear the word: consider. You and God's Spirits are the very best at discerning what is good for you. My friend Paul Schroeder might say: "You're the expert on you." And! Get this, you can't make a wrong decision about staying or going. God and God's story are big enough and adventurous enough to bend with your choices. In high school there was a friend who I was basically dating but not dating as us evangelicals liked to do. He said the strangest thing to me about why we weren't dating: "I don't want to get caught outside God's will." That, my dear friends, is impossible. Stay or don't stay; God's will will accompany you wherever you find yourself.
For my part, I grew so very tired of fighting for a place of love and acceptance, a place of intellectual freedom and even play, a place where I could stop explaining how seeking justice was a Christian commitment and not some "liberal issue." I got bone tired of it all.
And I looked up from my bone tired tunnel vision, I saw a wide open field. Green pastures calling to come and play along toward liberating love and justice. For me, at that point, I couldn't say no. And leaving the home of my childhood for this new space to play and work has been more like coming home than evangelical church ever was. I want that for so many of us locked in the struggle. I want to fight you to bring you there with me. - I apologize if I have fought you to try to bring you over to play here. - You are the expert on you. And God's Spirit is a better guide than I am.
But I do invite all wondering when to stay and leave to let these questions be consistent conversation partners:
Do you feel heard?
Do you feel valued?
Do you feel respected?
Do you feel like maybe you see God differently, but you're both seeking after God's best for all people? For the world?
If you feel like it's time to give up being a stayer and you'd like a conversation partner or wonder what wide open pastures there are for playing and working at liberating love and justice, hit me up. I'd love to chat!
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