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rebecca joy sumner
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How becoming intentionally pregnant made me pro choice

9/18/2015

20 Comments

 
I need to begin this post by saying I am completely in love with the little person growing inside me. I know how limitlessly lucky I am to have her/him/zer! This kid is my favorite and an absolute miracle! Let that color everything else I say here.

I grew up strictly pro-life. To not be pro-life was to not be pro-Jesus. (Back in 1988 I was told you couldn't be pro-Jesus without being pro-Bush). 
We took some poetry in scriptures and interpreted them to mean that a person is an eternal soul in need of protection from the moment of conception. Honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with that belief based on scriptures. I don't know if it's how I'd interpret them now that I've learned better how to study the scriptures and understand the role of genre in their meaning. But I don't think - unlike rejecting evolution because of Genesis 1 - that you have to check your brain, science, your understanding of poetry, and your respect for what scripture is trying to actually communicate at the door to wonder if maybe life begins at conception. I think it is a solid belief. It's a belief I lean toward most days.

NT Wright is a lot smarter than me and has a lot of solid beliefs. All the same, he says that at least 20% of what he believes is wrong. And the catch is, he never knows which 20% (Justification pg 20). I am not NT Wright. I'd tend to think my number is much bigger than 20%.

I think that believing life begins at conception it's a solid belief. But it is a belief. And one that is not really clear from scripture. So one that is prone to being in the 20%  - or more like the 50% of best guesses we make but won't know about in this lifetime.

And since becoming pregnant, my body is falling apart. My energy is incredibly low. My husband and I have often marveled that evolutionarily speaking, this whole process make no sense. It is brutal. Blessed! But brutal.

Luckily, I work a flexible job with very supportive people to whom I am responsible. I can work two hours then sleep two hours then get back to work. I can spend an entire day throwing up and not worry about losing my job or wages. I can spend days on end throwing up and not worry about my job. I get good maternity leave. Luke gets good paternity leave. We have insurance. And our denomination has potential ways to help cover medical bills we can't afford. 

If I were a single woman working an hourly job for a corporate employer, I may be unemployed by now. I would, at least, be out several hours and even days of wages. I would assume by now whoever does the scheduling would stop scheduling me full time because finding subs at the last minute is hard. It would be wise to under-schedule me. And so, I would not be able to feed myself and this extra person. I would probably not be able to afford rent. I couldn't dream of buying all the things this new person will need; even now, browsing amazon for the long list of essential items is little scary! And Lord knows I could not keep my house clean! (Thank you Luke - you are amazing!) 

Our medical bills so far (just past the low maintenance first trimester in a low risk pregnancy) with excellent insurance have capped $400. That is a lot of hours at minimum wage. And many folks at minimum wage do not have excellent insurance.

It's going to get worse. I could end up on bed rest. A friend of mine had trouble walking toward the end of her pregnancy. Another had migraines. And if, for some reason, we were to give a child up for adoption, I'd still be out even more hours of work recovering from giving birth. Keeping the kiddo means finding a way to provide for it and to provide for its care after our minuscule (sometimes non-existent) American maternity leave. Praise Jesus (literally, thank you Jesus!), my mom is close, retired (privileged enough to be able to retire at a fairly young age), and happy to help. She was an excellent mom to me and I'd trust her wholeheartedly with my child without a second thought. But that's definitely not everyone's story.

Again, I love - LOVE - this little parasite inside me. Never met him/her/zer. Don't even know if it is a him/her/zer. Haven't even felt a kick yet. All the same, she/he/ze is my favorite! She/he/ze makes me cry, laugh, worry as though worrying was what I was created to do with my life, hope like I've never hoped before...BUT! she/he/ze is a parasite at this point. My beloved little parasite.

And I do believe my sacred parasite is a life that deserves protection. But that's my belief. Maybe it's actually true. I'd tend to think, today, that it is. But it could be in my 20%+ that is not - that I do not know about. I certainly cannot not be certain simply on the basis of some ancient Hebrew poetry (that I also love almost as much as my blessed parasite.)

And I'm not willing, because of my belief - which I can never be sure of as is the nature of religious belief - to take away any heartbroken woman's right to say: "I just can't make this work." I'm not even willing to tell her she's wrong. Especially when living in a country that does not make provisions to care for a woman throughout her pregnancy, birth, and that important fourth trimester.

I was raised strictly pro-life. Learning to better study scriptures and their genre moved me to being pro-choice. But being intentionally pregnant - while adoring my holy little parasite - has affirmed a deep commitment to defending a woman's legal provisions to make the best decision she can for herself, her body, and her family. 

And for many of my friends reading this: I know you are going to be disappointed in me. I know you're going to be angry. I know you're going to tell me I can't be pro-Jesus without being pro-life. Some of you are probably calling me a backslider as you read this. You probably can't believe that someone let me become a pastor if I feel this way - or maybe it is affirming your belief that women shouldn't be pastors. It's such a shame I'm not walking with Jesus like I used to.

But let me assure you, I spend every day doing my best to walk with the mysterious Jesus I am always newly meeting. Please wait before you write me off. I may be pro-choice in my voting and my belief that we should support Planned Parenthood. But I am pro-life in how I live. I would say that I am pro-life - in the Jesus Way.

I am pro-life in a lived and loving way. 
I am not pro-life in the ballot or in a facebook status with propaganda but I am pro-life when I sit with a friend considering abortion and tell her she has a supportive community who won't leave her alone in this struggle, who can be the village that makes her baby's life possible. 
I am pro-life when I help a neighbor with a baby find diapers for the month when her pay check is stretched too thin.
I am pro-life when I advocate for adequate maternity leave and support systems for new mothers.
I am pro-life when I ask how we might provide child care at Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings. 
I will be pro-life when I teach this wonderful little parasite growing inside me to love her/his/zer neighbors as her/his/zerself - in an active, concrete way that might just allow pregnant women in financial and relational trouble to imagine a hopeful future for their unborn children.

If you disagree with this post, let's meet along the Jesus Way and be pro-life in these incarnational ways together rather than fighting a pointless philosophical fight or working to defund reproductive care for women in financial need (of which I was one while working for an underfunded non-profit that could not afford insurance for me when I first got married and needed birth control to keep doing the Gospel work I was doing for that non-profit!). 
Think on what you know of the Jesus story. Don't you think Jesus would invest his energy in loving and supporting people rather than shaming them or changing laws that allow them to make the best choices they can? 

That's the Jesus I believe in. And I'd be willing to say definitively that my belief in that Jesus is one of my beliefs - if not the belief that is true.
20 Comments
Roy Smith
9/18/2015 02:35:31 pm

I used to hear people occasionally make the point that they were both Pro-Life and Pro-Choice, which seems like a great way of summarizing the point you are trying to make here. This is an excellent post!

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Rebecca
9/18/2015 03:23:33 pm

Thanks Roy!

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Laurie Tucker
9/18/2015 02:43:41 pm

I can sincerely say I am so proud of your honesty, at times people can get hostile at me being pro choice, I grew up catholic and that thought was a sin. I am also pro life I feel as a woman
I should have control of my own body.

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Rebecca
9/18/2015 03:25:03 pm

Thanks Laurie. I appreciate your courage in walking that line with a Catholic background. I know it's not easy.

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Tyan
9/18/2015 10:07:28 pm

After two incredibly difficult pregnancies I am very pro-choice. I am blessed to have an amazing husband, supportive friends and family, and am fortunate enough to only work part-time. That was the only way I made it through. Had I become pregnant without a support system, it would have been near-impossible to get through it. I had always made the generalization that if circumstances prevented a woman from taking care of her child - adoption was always the option. So subsequently I was mostly pro-life. But after my pregnancies, I can completely understand how a woman would choose to not be pregnant.

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Rebecca
9/19/2015 05:50:45 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Some of us are just immensely lucky with the support systems we have! I really appreciate every time we can stop and remember that others don't have that. And I have deep deep respect for moms who can enjoy their circumstances without neglecting to reflect on the circumstances others face.
Thank you!

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AJB
9/18/2015 11:59:57 pm

Thank you for your bravery, compassion and love. To me, you are doing what Jesus would do.

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Rebevva
9/19/2015 05:52:04 pm

Thank you AJB! That Jesus-following thing is a day by day and only by grace kind of thing. It always means a lot to hear that someone sees it actually happening. in my words or my life. Thanks!

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Lela Coleman
9/19/2015 10:24:08 am

Thank you for saying so well how you became pro-choice. It's an article we should send to Congress! I think most Jesus followers should be able to sing out with you that he is all about love & care and nothing about hate and condemnation! So glad you are part of the DoC!

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Rebecca
9/19/2015 05:52:43 pm

Thanks Lela! I am also glad to be part of the DoC! Can't wait to see you tomorrow!

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Read the Bible
9/19/2015 05:31:34 pm

The fact you use the pronoun zer like it is a normal and acceptable thing is probably an indication of the breadth of your theological grasp, so I had a hard time taking anything seriously you said after that.

People grossly simplify the argument when they act like defunding planned parenthood means defunding women's health. We can easily defund planned parenthood while continuing to fund contraception and women's health services. Quiet simply we can do better. There are better options available and we should fund those organizations. Not an organization that has been mired in controversy from the very beginning.

Our country has had over 53 million abortions since abortion was legalized. Abortion is not about rape, incest, or being unable to care for a child. Its just a new form of birth control. 53 million potential humans should be a staggering number regardless of if you are prolife or prochoice. This this is much, more than a philosophical argument.

If we want to put this in the context of the bible, or belief, or Jesus - The bible makes it pretty clear that narrow is the path that leads to salvation. Our purpose here is not to serve our own pleasures. Children are part of God's plan for many people, and children bring us closer to God in ways you can't yet imagine. Children are not convenient. They are exhausting (if you think you are tired now, just wait until they are born). They constantly need. None of that is sexy or desirable in our American culture of self. Like in most things though, God's long term plan is so much better than ours. For all the work, for all the tired days, for all the needs that must be filled, for how inadequate we all are as parents (regardless of our financial means) God uses children to teach us so much about him, about love, and about what we can tackle with his help. To act like we know better than him in so many areas of our life (whether it is redefining our gender, marriage, morality, or the terms on which life is created) is the type of pride that aligns us more with the dark one than with our creator.

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Rebecca
9/19/2015 05:46:54 pm

"Read the Bible" is an interesting name. Dedicated parents I assume. Coincidentally, that is something I do every day and have two masters degrees in. Small world.
Also, in a small world, your response to the pronoun ze also makes it a little hard for me to really listen to the rest of what you say. Are you aware that intersex folks are real folks who are not definitively male or female? Literally physically born that way? As in God must have made them that way? So, ze is sort of a necessary thing. Greek, one of the languages the Bible we both read was written in has a neutered pronoun. English needs one to acknowledge these children of God - of which, my child may be one for all I know. As a new mom, your response to my respect and care for whoever God is building inside me riles me up a bit. So, I apologize but it was really difficult to take you seriously after that.
I also think you pretty clearly didn't really read what I wrote. You seem to be trying to convince me that as a Christian, I should believe that fetuses are people. I said a number of times that I do tend to believe that. What I also said is that scripture is not, given genre, clear enough on that that I would legislate it. Jesus never forced folks to live his way. He loved them. He was honest with them. He encouraged them. He supported them toward that way. Never once forced or legislated it. And I live in the Jesus way...because I "read the Bible" every day.

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Read the Bible 2
9/19/2015 06:57:11 pm

I think we both agree our job as Christians is not to legislate. The world will always be the world. I would contend though that our job is however to proclaim the word of God though in its entirety. In love? Of course. Without a doubt. But what did Jesus say to the woman at the well? "Oh, you aren't married to the current man you are living with...well you love him that's ok... In this patriarchal society I totally understand not having a man in your life would make life very difficult" - No he said "go now and leave your life of sin." - Jesus offers us a choice, agreed. God loves us enough to give us free will, because without free will there could not be love. But God never supports our sin. We love to quote the first part of Romans 8:28
"God works all things together for the good" but we don't always quote the second part.... "of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose." Jesus was a friend to sinners (which I as a sinner am grateful for) but he wasn't an enabler to sinners. He wants more for us than to leave us where he finds us.

Its not about shaming mothers that choose abortion (or people suffering from Gender dysphoria (not hermaphrodites which is a completely different subject and massively much more genetically unlikely)). Jesus would never do that. It IS however about proclaiming God's word and truth and HUMBLING our-self to accept that his plan and wisdom is greater than ours. Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly and the bible is our road-map for that. I hate that it gets reduced to a book or rules or that proclaiming the good news somehow gets reduced to "shaming". There is plenty of room for a 3rd option between shaming and enabling. Its the option that says I love you, but this is wrong and this will hurt you and I love you enough to want better for you. I love you enough to not want you to make this mistake. Its the option a parent exercises when their kids heads towards a hot stove, or tries to run out in traffic. Its an option much more loving than letting your child get burned. Right?

We are entering a new chapter in the church though where people are no longer willing to use the word "sin" and where we are no long willing to proclaim what the bible actually says. Instead the bible is relegated to being part of a meta-story, or poetic, or figurative, or selectively relevant - and quickly it is losing its power in the church and we are losing our way.

From Ezekial 33:7 “Son of man, I have appointed you as a prophet to warn the people of Israel. So listen to my message. Give them a warning from me. 8 Suppose I say to a sinful person, ‘You can be sure that you will die.’ And suppose you do not try to get them to change their ways. Then they will die because they have sinned. And I will hold you responsible for their death. 9 But suppose you do warn that sinful person. You tell them to change their ways. But they do not change. Then they will die because they have sinned. But you will have saved yourself.


I'm sorry if my original words were harsh - I just don't understand how we as a church find ourselves here. Since you identify yourself as a Christian Pastor I would emplore you really examine your stance on how faith intersects with our world view.




Rebecca sumner
9/26/2015 12:32:58 pm

For some reason, I'm not being allowed to reply to your reply...I'll have to look into why that's happening. But this is in reply to your reply.

First off, I get the impression that you think you are being kinder and more respectful re: the pronouns I, as a mother, am carefully, intentionally, and theologically choosing to use for my child. YOU ARE NOT. Is it unlikely that my child is intersex? Yes. But I still choose to honor whoever my child is. I am a mother who is a well educated theologian with a background in psychology and human development as well. I made this vocabulary choice based on education and discernment. You seem unable to respect that. And if you cannot respect that, I will ask you to stop commenting here. Second, using the term "gender dysphoria" does shame people. It does. Correcting a mother on the pronouns that might apply to her child could only be aimed at shaming. Praise our gracious Jesus, you failed - because I am convicted and confident in the choices I am making for my child. But you cannot leave the comment you left and tell me that you are not interested in shaming.

Second, you really don't know me. You've clearly read one of my blogs entries on a page with many entries that you could read if you really cared to know me, how I pastor, or how my faith relates to my world view. But you didn't. So this tells me that you are interested in preaching and not in conversation. If you would like to preach online, I encourage you to start blogging.

Then, if you comment again - in search of genuine conversation - you could leave your actual name and the link to your blog. I could read what you are about. And we could have a real conversation about faith and what faith looks like in the world.

But that's not something you are choosing so I will reserve my energy for those that do want to have a real conversation.

If you do want to get to know me and how my faith relates to my worldview, again, there are plenty of entries on here. The previous one is about loving your neighbor. There is one about what our money is for and how God calls us to care for neighbors in need. I really doubt you are interested in anything more than preaching in someone else's comments - but if I am wrong, I invite you to explore this page. And, in that case, if you can comment with respect, I would be happy to respond to your comments.

Leo Carpenter
9/20/2015 12:16:33 am

You're incredible! Luke's incredible! The love of Jesus is incredible! I love the fact that the scripture on which I have formed the basis of the rest of my life, Isaiah 1:17, is followed by Isaiah 1:18, "Come, let us REASON together". God has truly gifted you with that attribute.

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Rebecca
9/23/2015 10:34:30 am

Thanks Leo, that means a lot coming from you!

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Michael Gregg
9/20/2015 01:26:15 pm

I am curious about the only parenthetical reference that you gave. At the end of your third paragraph you give the italicized reference (book?) to an N.T. Wright work titled "Justified." Is that an essay, or some other work? I have not heard of that work. Are you referring to "Justification: God's Plan and Paul's Vision"?

I'm not saying that Tom Wright did not write or say the bit that you paraphrased, but I have heard him tell something similar about when he was at Oxford, and it was from one of his professors, which the professor would tell his students that in the context of what he would be teaching them. The quote was something to this end: "60 percent of what I am going to teach you is going to be wrong, and 40 percent right, and I only wish I knew which is which."

Also, why do you refer to the life you are carrying, as "him/her/zer"? What is a "zer"?

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Rebecca
9/23/2015 10:53:47 am

Blerg. I wrote out a lengthy thoughtful reply. Hit send. And it is lost somewhere in the series of tubes Al Gore invented.
Michael,
Thanks so much! You caught a typo that spell check missed. I did mean Justification. (How awesome would it be, though, if spell check was an NT Wright expert and could say "Um, I think you got that title wrong." In sort of like a theology hipster voice.)
And I did have the percentages wrong. Thanks for catching that as well. I will cop to cutting the corner of walking to the book shelf to re-read it. Should have. I've just been operating out of a scarcity of time after losing two months to being ill growing this new human and coming up to an unmovable deadline where this kid will be born and if I'm able to crack open a theology book at all for the following 12 weeks, that will be an accomplishment. :) But, lesson learned...there are other corners to cut and my memory of Wright said was clearly in my whatever (high) percentage of things I think I know off the top of my head that I don't know off the top of my head. Thanks for finding that and I changed it.
He did, though, say that he was the one who says it. Maybe, like many of us, he learned a good practice from his professor and adopted it.

I do, still, think the sentiment remains - as human life starting at conception is not something clearly stated in scripture - whether it is 80% or 20% it's likely to be in the chunk of what we believe that we ought not legislate others' rights on.

And on the topic of the pronouns. I'm guessing you could tell that it is an alternative to the common he/she pronouns. As I mention in a previous comment in this thread, it is a gender neutral pronoun. Christians land at almost every possible theological landing point on how we relate to gender. As this post already opens up both social welfare and abortion, I don't want to get into how and when Christians should use ze/zer just here. A worthwhile conversation, but not as comments on a different topic.
I will say that EVERY Christian should be aware of these pronouns and able to use them. I am using them with regard to my child because it is entirely possible (unlikely but possible) that this child will be born intersex. That is, as I mention above, a physical reality where a person is not definitively male or female at birth - or who is both. It is important to me that, from the beginning, this kiddo know that what ever way he/she/ze is born into the world is a way that I love and respect and will nurture. There is no expectation that the child will fit in a gender binary that does not exclusively exist in human experience. This child will not be less if this child is born differently in anyway.
Similarly, if someone who is intersex walks into a church, they need to know that their pronouns of choice will be known and honored and that they will not be seen as less for being who they were literally physically born as - who God made them to be.
Regardless where any of us lands on being open and affirming (or not) of our LGBTQ+ neighbors (and for the record, our family and our church is entirely welcoming and affirming...but even if we were not...), we need these pronouns.

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Jeremiah link
9/24/2015 08:17:54 pm

I saw the headline of the post a few days ago, but just tonight went back to Luke's feed to find it to read. Lovely writing and many great points. Especially bringing up the fact that we as a country don't protect life during the 4th trimester and beyond. It is ridiculous that there is constantly a fight about abortion without fixing any of the reasons the decision is made...poverty and societal acceptance being two big ones. Good job Rebecca.

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Rebecca
9/26/2015 12:35:48 pm

Thanks Jeremiah. Wouldn't it be great to see what could happen if Christians - right and left - could unite to make sure every mother and baby have the resources they need for the 4th trimester?
Lord hear our prayer.

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    Lead pastor at Our Common Table: A Christian Community of Welcome and Justice in North Everett

    Rebecca Joy Sumner

    i am a christian. pastor. liturgist. abolitionist. wife. neighbor. church planter. writer (ish). theologian (ish). artist (ish). and basically just someone who playfully clings to this radical thing called hope. specifically, hope that God's commonwealth of love and justice to come more and more with every new day.

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